A Different Perspective

May I share a different perspective on parenting?

First, I want to acknowledge the pain of being separated from your children. For any sane and sound parent, that is one of the deepest hurts a person can experience, and the emotions that come with it are real and valid.

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I am a mother of six amazing children from six different Black men. It is important for me to emphasise that these men were Black men. Some later moved on and married white women, and life took them in different directions.

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Throughout my journey, I believed I had one primary responsibility for my children: to make sure that I, their mother and the portal through which they came into this world, remained emotionally healthy and at peace with myself. From my personal experiences, the stories I have witnessed around me, and the families I have worked with through coaching, I have learned that family dynamics are often far more complex than they first appear. In many cases, when relationships between parents and children become strained, there are deeper wounds underneath that need healing.

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My six Kings; not "baby fathers," but Kings, each carried their own mother wounds. One of the ways I helped them heal was by walking away when necessary and continuing to defend their names, even during times when they were not defending mine. Over the years, I came to realise that the greatest challenge in our lives is not always other people. Often, it is the unhealed parts of ourselves. I found peace when I recognised patterns in my own life and understood that I kept attracting certain experiences that were teaching me important lessons about healing, growth, and self-awareness.

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So I began focusing more deeply on my own healing journey. I am an independent woman, intelligent, and strong in character. I have spent years standing in front of men in boardrooms, speaking with confidence and conviction. I was always a tomboy, but during the last ten years of my life, I discovered feminine energy and learned how to embrace it and use it positively.

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What I am saying is this: until we begin to deal with ourselves, we can easily become trapped in blaming others for everything that has happened to us. That does not mean others have not hurt us. People can and do cause tremendous pain. However, when we heal our inner child, we often change the way we respond to those who hurt us, and sometimes that response becomes a source of healing for everyone involved.

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In my experience, people often trigger wounds that already exist within us. Those wounds deserve our attention, compassion, and healing. Healing is a journey. I started mine at the age of 15. Today, I am almost 47, and I am still on that journey. One thing I have observed is that many people live in fear; fear of the unknown and fear of pain. That is why I always encourage people with one of my favourite quotes I discovered:

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"Go through the pain without hurting anyone, and go through the unknown loving everyone, whether they are good or bad to you."

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Healing does not mean denying what others have done. It means refusing to allow their actions to define who you become. I wouldn't raise mentally strong children if I was not mentally strong myself.